Snitch Handling
by Harmonic Friction
Summary: James Potter discusses the finer points of handling one's... ahem... snitch.


**_Snitch_ _Handling_**

(And so we tune into _Wizards On Parade _as our faithful **interviewer **speaks to the

Hogwarts student, **James Potter**)

**Interviewer**: ... So, _Mr. Potter_, I hear you're a natural on the field.

**James**: Yes, sir, I play the field all the time.. Whenever I get a chance to actually. And when I'm not out there playing, I'm practicing.

**Interviewer:** _Really_? You must be an absolutely fantastic player. How often do you practice, would you say?

**James:** Oh, frequently. _Very_ frequently. I usually practice in the dorm when there aren't many people around, but it is nice to see the looks of wonder when I do it in front of an _audience_. Sometimes, I try to practice in class, but the teacher tells me to put my snitch away and go back to work.

**Int.:** _Snitch_?

**James:** Duh. _How would I practice if I didn't have my snitch out?_

**Int.:** Now that you say that, I honestly wouldn't know! So, I'm guessing you're a seeker. Am I correct.

**James:** Of _course_. Only a seeker with my expertise could handle a snitch the way that I do.

**Int.:** Are there any other students at Hogwarts who can wield a snitch like you?

**James:** Well, Lucius Malfoy's all right, I suppose. But he can get right violent with his! I mean, every time it collides with his hand, there's this _awful smacking sound_, and I'm thinking to myself_ 'Blimey! That must hurt!' Harder and harder_, you know? And that snitch just keeps on coming! Lucius is such a _freak!_

**Int.:** I see.. How about people who handle their snitches poorly?

**James:** (shakes head) Snivellus.. You know, _Severus Snape? _I'm not even certain if he's _got one_! I mean, I've never seen it.. _Not that I'm looking_, but you start to notice after a while. Even if he did have one, I'm sure he'd mess it up from using it too often. I mean, he'd probably be so glad he actually had _something _to do- he's a complete and total loner. I, on the other hand, don't need to practice all the time. I have friends, and places to go. Yes, I'm sure if he had one, he'd always be handling it. And he wouldn't be any good with it, either.

**Int.:** As long as it keeps coming back though, right? If you catch it fast, there's no problem?

**James:** It depends. When you handle it alone, it's hard for it to go anywhere...Unless you're a messy player. And we don't want those kinds of people on our team. Fast people are the best. Me, for example. I'm the fastest, cleanest player on the entire team. I honestly don't know what they would do without me.

**Int.:** _'They'?_

**James:** You, know? My team? Of course, they're all experts at bludgers and quaffles. Most of them could never work as quickly as I do, though they have larger balls.

**Int: **Are there any girls on your team, James?

**James: **Sometimes, and they're pretty good at winning the game. But we can manage to _play _without them. (smiles)

**Int.:** _I see_... You said that Lucius Malfoy was a good player. What team is he on?

**James:** Slytherin.

**Int.:** Well, then you've got competition.

**James:** No, Malfoy's a beater.

**Int.:** Beater?

**James:** Yes. He _beats_!!!??? Are you_ impaired?_

**Int.:** No, no, I've just never been a big fan. So, Malfoy's a beater, but he's still got a snitch?

**James:** Yes. That's his second position, if he ever needs to fill in for his seeker.

**Int.:** If he doesn't use his snitch, what does he use?

**James:** He uses bludgers. Those are the big, vicious balls that beaters have. A bludger is bigger in size and weight. In my opinion, snitches are harder to play with. Malfoy just thinks he's special because he has the huge ones. But actually, quaffles are the largest.

**Int.:** I'm lost.

**James:** No. You're just misinformed. Watch us get together for a meet on the field sometime, and you'll see how it's done. Then, you'll realise that Malfoy is just a violent idiot. He's always trying to get me with his bludger. (rolls eyes) It becomes old after awhile.

**Int.:** I can understand that. Well, James Potter, it was nice to have this talk with you. And I hope everyone watching will attend the big Quidditch game at Hogwarts this weekend-

**James:** Gryffindor verses Slytherin! Support us!

**Int.:** Yes, well, have a nice night James. Be certain to practice.

**James:** Don't worry. I never forget.

**Int.:** Good night.

**James:** _Wait! _Wouldn't you like to see my snitch?

**Int.: **I'm not certain we have t-

**James: **Just lemme get it out...

((Lights Dim))

**Int.: **Well... It _is_ a very _nice_ snitch.

THE END


End file.
